How to Build a Better Kaleeko
First, catch a Kaleeko. It’s not hard—just turn over duvet covers until you find one that curses loudly at the burn of sunshine.
Start with a very grumpy, disheveled furball.
Try to follow a hair tutorial to fix said hair problem. Question whether it looks correct, but assume it will look fine in the end.
It does. Kind of. But only from the side. RESTART.
Crush the Kaleeko’s self esteem by reminding her she is bad at doing hair. Take pictures as proof. Watch her suffer.
Bobby-pin that shit in with 20 pins sticking into her scalp. Thick hair is a curse, but at least there’s enough to hide the giant Kaleeko forehead. Success!
Paint over the Kaleeko’s freckles. They’re cute, but she hates those red blotchy things over top of them, so it’s best to hide them. She’ll show her spots when her skin is less diseased looking.
Circle those beautiful blue peepers with some black shit. It’s okay if it smudges everywhere, no one’s going to see the Kaleeko anyways.
Finally, the Kaleeko is ready to be unleashed on the world!
* This broadcast was brought to you by sleep:
Sleep. Because energy makes shit happen.